I'm a little overdue on posting this week.  I've got some stuff going on, and likely too much in my head to get it all out in one little blog.  Plus, its late, and i'm starting out feeling batty.

I indended to write about sangha on thursday, in regards to our talk on loving kindness.  But, i think i want to talk about some other stuff that's on my mind. 

The last few days have been connecting me to my past in tremendous ways.  The things that i've shut off or hid from are now front and center.  And i don't have to ignore them, nor do i want to.  I know that i'm not supposed to have attachments and that i am not supposed to grasp my past because it hinders being in the moment...BUT...what if this particular grasped past is helping to be in the moment?

I'm in my hometown in NJ for the week, visiting my Dad and some lovely, lovely friends from (dare i say it) my younger days.  I had a wonderful time tonight at a county fair with Me, who was my best of best friends for many, many of my school years.  I hadn't seen her in years and it lifts my heart to see she's happy. 

On Thursday, through the miracle medium of Facebook, a former Someone Important messaged me.  Now, this person, in hindsight, may very well have been the First of the few Significants i've known.  That flood of memories is pulling me to a place i'd left behind for Destination: Adulthood.  There are people out there that know me and they are showing me snapshots of my life that aren't in any of my albums.

Oh, the things i knew then and wish i knew now!!  I miss the simplicity of being unaffected.  I miss writing shameless love letters and melodromatic songs.  I miss being in love without the bitter waiting for the other shoe to drop.   Why do we have to lose those things to "maturity"?   When did it become daily practice to apologize for existing in the manner we do? 

I feel very Human about the attachment to experiences in my past and whether or not there is significance in everything.  Do we hold onto things long enough for them to come full circle?  I dare not answer that question, as i know even my thoughts have karmic consequence.   We will have to see.

For the first time in all my 30 years, i actually miss being a teenager.  Maybe they do know everything.