This question was posed to me the other day:  Why would you want to bring a child into this fucked up world???

Now, being that I am one of those irritating people that can’t blow off a question, I’ve put some serious thought into this one.  I explored the perspective and in some ways agree.  The world is really effed up.  You would think that all humans were double jointed with all the time we spend with our heads in our asses.  It can be scary and there is some serious bad stuff out there.  This is pretty much where self said, “Self, STOP!”

Why would I want to become a parent, bringing another human being into a world with all the scary crap going on?  This could take a while, if you need a bathroom break, now might be a good time.

Humor me.  I want you to imagine a moment in which you felt the best you ever felt in your life.  Could be a life event, a trip, a random moment of awareness, whatever.  Take your time, I can wait.  Now, tell me this…did the state of the world have any impact at all on that experience?   Could the scary stuff touch you or your bliss at that moment?? 

My money (limited funds of course) is on no.  I believe that humans have the ability to live joy even in the face of evil.  Throughout history, people have survived in the most horrific situations.  Not just LIVED through them.  Survived…as in having come out the other side, still able to smile and find and promote peace.  Buddhism (and most other religions) teaches that no matter what is going on around us, we can be happy.   Practice heightens my awareness and builds my faith that it’s the truth. 

Ok, let’s move on.  I believe that being a parent, deciding to reproduce, is a huge thing (duh).  Essentially, when a child is created, two human beings have given the IDEA of hope a physical form.  We don’t breed because we have to keep the human race going for no reason at all.  We do it because if we cease to hope, if we cease to believe that things will be better, we may as well crawl in a hole and wait for the bomb to drop right now.   Why bother with anything at all if we choose to think like this? 

My mom has repeatedly told me that I’m too “idealistic” and “naïve”.  My response to this??  Someone should be!  I recall her saying this many times through my teens and early twenties, as I became aware that the world did not, in fact, revolve around me.  I am proud to say that as I embark upon my third decade on earth (for this lifetime, anyway  ), I still retain my idealistic nature.  I feel that someone needs to hold on to the simplicity of how things should be, and that someone is me.

I refuse to let “them” take my innocence.  I won’t live in fear.  I don’t care what color the terror alert system is flashing on the Fox News crawl.  I refuse to live my life being continually aware that the bombs we have that keep us “safe” are the very bombs that could destroy everything we know and love.  I won’t do it.  There is so much beauty and grace in this world.  I am going to focus on that.  I want to do as Gandhi suggests and be the change we wish to see.   The reality of peace, kindness and love that exists in my heart can, and does, exist for everyone else.  I refuse to let those who promote hate be the only ones repopulalting the earth. 

My reasons for wanting to be a parent will differ from everyone else’s, I’m sure of that.  I know the reality that parenting isn’t going to be fun and games 100% of the time (or 25% of the time) and that kids will eventually do what they want regardless of what you want for them.  But it’s the job I know that I am supposed to do.  In Buddhism, it is taught that children choose their parents.  We select our parents based on our karma, and they get us based on theirs.  I believe without doubt, that I can be a parent that offers a child tools to negate the evils of this world.  There is no use in denying the wrongs, they do exist.  But there is joy to pass on to the next generation.  There is beauty to live for.  And there is, most importantly, love.  At the end of the day, is there any bigger reason?

 

(barenaked ladies - lovers in a dangerous time)

As a Buddhist and a mother who has (apparently) successfully raised a child to her now adult status, I agree 100% with your idealistic view. My daughter and I have lived and survived the many worldly obstacles of the past 18 years. Instead of throwing our hands up in the air and stating the world has gone to crap and we can't fix it so why bother, we have taken small, personal steps in an effort to make the negatives more positive. Turns out my kid is an idealist, too! I am a better person than I would have been if I weren't a mother. H. brings out the best in me (and sometimes the worst, teenagers, you know?) and I can't imagine a life without her. The world and its' problems will continue but we can be a force for change by being idealistic parents.

This is something that I've struggled with for awhile. Having a disease that could kill my child if she becomes infected. That was a scary enough decision. But I never would have done it if I didn't believe I would have a healthy normal child. Then everything else. The world in general is definately a scary place! But when I see my little child smile and tell me she loves me, I know that no matter what, I will be the positive in her life. She will grow up knowing that her home is the safety net. When she has problems, we will talk and find a solution. There are alot of bad things out there...but there are alot of good too...we just have to try and steer ourselves toward the good.

the worries you have about brining kids into this world is a big one.trust me ,i know. i have 3. as the y get older you let them venture out on their own and you worry. but as a parent you try to teach the right and wrong and hope they absorbe most of what you say.just because the world has messed up people in it doesn't mean a) all people are bad. and b) your kids don't have to be either. you help them learn to be good people and they will be.plus that moment of bliss comes from the smallest things they do . from a simle hug and an "i love you" to them losing the 2 top front teeth and going look at what i can do! shoving their tonge through the hole. kids will try your patients. i have a 15,8,6 yrs olds. but they bring the most simplest of joys to you as well. it truly makes it all worth doing.:)