I needed some perspective on true suffering.  I recently read an article about children, as young as 3 and 4, working in factories in Bangladesh.  They smash open old batteries to get the recyclable core.  For pennies a day.  PENNIES.  They are exposed to horrible toxins, and if they don’t work, they don’t eat.  And here I am whining because I have a heartache.

Boo Fucking Hoo.  I don’t know true suffering.

Now, I know that we live within our own realities.  I also happen to believe humans are not wired to handle constant reminders of tragedy, injustice and suffering.  It is part of the gift of the grieving process…eventually we stop living the emotional ruin.  But as part of that said process, one must fully experience the pain at core level.  Fighting it will only lead to more suffering.

I don’t think I mentioned that when we travelled to the temple for the Green Tara Empowerment that we had taken Bodhisattva vows.  In a nutshell, what that means is that in my working towards enlightenment, I will dedicate that work to relieving the suffering of all beings.  Oh, and instead of heading for the hills upon reaching Enlightenment, I vowed to return again and again, helping to lead others out of the cycle of Samsara. 

This takes compassion.  True compassion means recognizing that all beings suffer, regardless of to what degree.  Holding this in my heart, I will attempt to fixate less on my self-cherishing need to fester in self-pity.  It has gotten me nowhere and I’d like very much to leave it behind.

It may take some (gentle) reminders from those around me that I am not, in fact, the center of the universe, and in order to wake up I have to see things for what they are. 

I had a very thought/panic inducing few days, and I’m tired of feeling like I want to die just to avoid myself.  In fighting depression, I am also fighting Cynical Sara, as I’m in gear and my foot is on the gas of deciding everyone is an asshole deep down (although, Love-Peace-Hippie Sara knows that isn’t true).  Isn’t that the way though…once you pull down the wall, or peek over it in the slightest way, someone gives you a reason to start mixing mortar.  Damn that self preservation. 

But, I digress.  This post was to focus on my confidence in moving forward, and seeing the big picture. 

Tonight, i will be leaving you with a snippet of the lyrics of Ani Difranco’s “Joyful Girl” (which, I really could have put the whole thing here…amazing song).  Perhaps this should be my new mantra. 

I do it for the joy it brings

because i'm a joyful girl

because the world owes me nothing

and we owe each other the world

i do it because it's the least i can do

i do it because i learned it from you

i do it just because i want to

because I want to

Perspective is a hard thing to achieve and especially to hold on it. I struggle with this also. So my arm is broken, so what? At least I live in a country with good healthcare and I'm lucky enough to have decent health insurance. Yet I am still sitting here feeling sorry for myself while I try to type without hurting my arm too much. Blech on all of us for not appreciating what we have. But here's the sad truth -- we're humans and we have a hard time getting out of our own heads. All we can do is strive for betterment and try to catch ourselves in our "whiney" moments. You are MUCH further along the path than I, dear friend.

Been way behind with health problems and catching up here...
What's suffering? Friends start sharing their stories with me by saying "I know it's nothing to what you've been through..." but I always say it's how it feels to THEM. Having just said that I scream in pain for the kids in Brazil working their way through a rubbish tip that others have already picked over just so that they can have money for water for the day.I then think I'm being absurd...and yet...

It was previously thought we were born with an unchangeable genetic code but now it's found that our coding changes with life experiences and famine, war, grief, abuse, etc. That changes the genetic inheritence of a family as much as we now know it does psychological inheritance, etc.